The Eel and the Cave
by kaylune
Summary: "The eel is Ron's best friend. He is always with Ron, everywhere, every time. You cannot see one without the other. No, its not Harry," said Fred as he and George give the Harry Potter cannon couples "the eel and the cave story" aka "the talk."
1. Chapter 1

**The Eel and the Cave**

**Written for: **xxGrimxLullaby's 'The Talk' Challenge.

**Dedicated to: **Rune and Cowgirl, by two bestest friends who are my version of Fred and George Weasley :)

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Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were alone in the Weasley house, or so they thought anyways. Since they did not know they were by themselves, they made themselves very comfortable on the green, beaten-down sofa. As they kissed each other passionately, and pulled themselves much closer, Fred and George Weasley were walking down the stairs, unaware of the couple sharing very heated moment that was occuring downstairs.

Fred was the one who noticed them first. He stopped dead on his tracks and stared at them, and he seemed very disgusted by the view. He grabbed his brother and hid behind the kitchen counter. "Do you see what I see, George?"

George took a glimpse at the couple, who were making hard for the twins to realize who's body party was who's. He made a face and pretended to be gagging. "Eww."

"Disgusting right?" asked Fred as he sat down on the floor.

"-Very!"

"No shame."

"-at all."

"I mean really?"

"What was Hermione thinking when she began to kiss that git? She's very pretty and very smart. She may be quite annoying, but she can do MUCH better."

"Agreed." said Fred as he looked at his twin. He smiled, and a few seconds later, so did George. That was the good thing about being twins: they knew what the other was thinking.

They both stood up and walked over to the sofa, knowing that they were going to get a very good laugh at this. They both coughed, as if they were uncomfortable at the view. Hermione opened her eyes, but did not stop kissing Ron, but when she spotted the twins, she pulled away and pushed Ron straight to the floor.

Ron, not knowing that the twins were there, looked at Hermione. She began to blush, and pointed to the twins. Ron turned to where the twins pointed, and immediately started to turn as red as his hair. The twins began to laugh.

"Well children, I am very sorry that we had to disturb your very-" said Fred as he sat down on the arm chair.

"-passionate moment. Is that a good way to say it?" added George as he sat on the arm of the arm chair.

"What do you gits want?" asked Ron as he sat back down on the sofa.

"RON! Don't get them mad nor annoyed. They could tell your mum!" murmured Hermione as she straightened herself up. She did not want it to be awkward between her and Mrs. Weasley only because she and Ron made-out.

"Oh, Hermione. We will not tell mum-" replied Fred with a smirk.

"-I think we have something much better" added George as he messed up with his hair.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other, knowing that they had made a huge mistake by not checking the house before they started to make-out. They looked back at the twins. "What are you guys planning to do with us?" asked Ron as he put his arm around Hermione.

"Nothing" said Fred as he leaned back.

"We are just going to tell you about the 'eel and the cave'," smirked George.

Ron took it as nothing but Hermione began to feel uncomfortable. "You really don't have to guys. I mean, really? From you two? Don't you think you two should give each other the talk instead? I mean, we were just making-out."

The boys looked at each other and smirked even more. Fred looked at Hermione, "Yes Hermione. We need to have you two informed of the consequences of doing the deed. We don't want little Rons running all over this place."

"-Especially if they will be gits like him," added George.

Hermione started to blush more, but Ron was looking at all three of them, not knowing what they were talking about. "What is the bird and the eel?"

Hermione then looked at Ron, in disbelief. "Ronald, it's the 'eel and the cave.'"

"What the bloody hell is that?"

"It's the 'Talk.'"

Ron looked at Hermione, to Fred and then to George. "No thanks. Let's go Hermione."

Fred and George smiled. George then spoke: "You leave, and I'll tell mum."

Ron and Hermione looked at each other more. They looked at the twins and made a face at them. "I guess we will take the talk" whispered Ron.

Fred and George began to laugh. What a laugh they would have. "Of course you are going to choose the talk, silly. Anyways, its time for the talk. See, the 'eel and the cave' is a reference to sex," began George.

"-as you two just found out. Zip it Hermione."

"Now, what is the eel, and what is the cave?" said George as he made a face at Ron and Hermione. They looked at the twins and closed their mouths.

Fred then continued to where they left off. "The eel is Ron's best friend. He is always with Ron, everywhere, every time. You cannot see one without the other. No, its not Harry."

"-and the cave is Hermione's best friend. The one that is always with Hermione, everywhere and every time. They cannot be apart from each other. No, its not Ginny."

"-and when they say the eel in the cave, it means….."

_Ten minutes later…._

"-and that is why you have to wear protection," said Fred.

"so protect it or lose it."

"And that is the eel and the cave." Fred concluded.

The twins looked at the horror-struck teenagers. They were both very red, and couldn't even look at each other. "Our job here is done. I think we hear dad parking the car." They left the house, leaving Ron and Hermione in complete silence.

"So how was the you kids day?" asked Mrs. Weasley. Ron and Hermione looked at her.

"Great" said Ron as he began to look around nervously.

"Fantastic," added Hermione, who kept staring at a spot on the carpet.

Mrs. Weasley looked at them. "Kids, I think it's time to tell you about the 'talk'" Ron and Hermione looked at each other and ran away. Hermione ran outside and Ron up to his room.

"What's there problem?" asked Mrs. Weasley to the twins. The twins just shrug.

"I don't know mom. We just told them about the eel and the cave." said George as he grabbed an apple.

"What is that?" asked Mrs. Weasley as she took back George's apple.

"It's a very dangerous game that can lead to unwanted circumstances," said Fred.

"-we were about to go tell Harry and Ginny. Would you mind mum?" asked George as he took back the apple his mom took away from him.

"Yes. That must be much better than the talk." replied Mrs. Weasley. "_Thank gosh Hermione and Ron have not done done it yet. I have dodged a bullet. I really did not want to give them the Talk. I'm very grateful it was just Fred and George story. Wow, they must be good story-tellers for keeping them that traumatized." _

Fred and George nodded in agreement. "Very mum. Especially how we tell the story, they will never try to play the eel and the cave" said George.

"Never ever" said Fred. The boys looked at each other and grinned, knowing that their mom was clueless on what they were talking about.

"Go ahead them. Give them your talk instead. Have fun!"

Fred and George ran up the stairs hoping to find Ginny and Harry together. "Oh we will have fun," said George.

"-a lot of fun."

They began to laugh as they spotted Harry and Ginny in Ginny's room. They walked in and closed the bedroom door. "It's time to give you the talk about the 'eel and the cave,'" they said in unison.

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**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. By the way, please read my other stories: She Likes, drabbles based on a romance between Percy/Hermione and Vanilla Twilight, a Fred/OC romance.

**Please review. It would mean so much to know that I did not write this for nothing.**

**:)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I re-read the original Eel and the Cave and I wondered what if Fred and George told the story to every canon couple? Then it hit me...I should write about it. But because of the word..."sex" I decided to change the rating to M just to be safe. I hope you all like this chapter. Please give me other canon couples that you would love for Fred and George to tell the story too.**

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Fred and George arrived to Ginny's room finding Harry and Ginny in a very close predicament. They watched in unison how this git can do that to his sister.

"Excuse me-" said Fred as he pretended to cough.

"-but you are not the only ones that live in this house," said George.

"-so get your nasty selves together," said Fred once more.

Harry and Ginny separated. Ginny reached for her wand, ready to hex her older twin brothers, who she knew were up to no good.

"Ginn, I would not do that if I were you. Mom is downstairs-" said Fred as he smiled his evil genius smile.

"-and one scream will make her apparate here-"

"-and I doubt you want that especially in the predicament that you to are in-"

Ginny and Harry looked at each other. Ginny's hair was a mess and her bra was clearly showing. Harry had his hand a little too low on her back, and Harry had a nice red hickey in his neck.

"What is with these children doing these perverse things?" asked George as he turned to look at his twin. "We were never in that much of a hurry."

"HA, yea right!" scoffed Ginny. Harry just sat there, starting to turn into a deep shade of red. He was definitely uncomfortable, and the twins knew it.

"Harry, I would remove that arm if I was you" said Fred. "Anyways we did not come up here to make you feel awkward-"

"We came to make you feel even more awkward, and with mum's permission as well" bragged George as he high-fived his twin. "That's how awesome we are."

"What do you mean you have mum's permission?" asked Ginny as she straightened her shirt and her hair.

"Mom allowed us to give you the 'Eel and the Cave' talk," said Fred.

Harry looked at Fred and then at George. He began to turn into an even darker shade of red. "Yo-you really don't have to guys…I mean don't you guys need that talk more than we do?"

Ginny stared at Harry. "What the bloody hell is the Cave and the Eel talk?"

"Gin, you have a mouth on you. And you are surely Ron's sister as much as Harry is Hermione's best friend," said George.

"This feels a bit déjà vu. ANYWAYS, mom allowed us to give you the talk so just shut up and sit down and make yourselves comfortable," said Fred as he waved his wand and two chairs popped out of nowhere.

"Where were we my dear brother?" said Fred as he sat down on a chair.

"Were are in Gin's room bro duh! Where do you think we are at?" said George as he too sat down on the other chair.

"Nevermind," said Fred as he began to laugh. He then saw Harry and Ginny trying to leave the room. He waved his wand once more and they both fell onto the bed, far from each other. "Try to stay comfortable-"

"-because after this talk, you won't be as comfortable with each other," said George.

"Both of you are coming into the age where you may want to explore each other's bodies, wondering what truly makes the female and male bodiy"

"SO DON'T EVEN DARE EXPLORE MY SISTER'S BODY POTTER! I WILL HEX YOUR LITTLE FRIEND OFF" said George as he pointed his wand towards Harry's private.

"How do you know it's little?" joked Ginny.

Fred then opened his mouth, ready to say a spell to make Harry's 'little friend' come off.

"GINNY, SHUSH! I would like to keep my best friend ya know," said a very terrified Harry. Ginny started to looked furious. Fred and George seemed to be having fun.

"Anyways, you two are in the time of your life where sex is the only way to express your love towards each other. The thing is that sex is not the only way to show your love," said Fred.

"Writing a note always does the trick," said George.

"Now to the story of the eel and the cave…." Said Fred

Thirty minutes later….

"That is the story of the eel and the cave-" said George

"so don't have sex because we don't want little Harry Potters running around-" said Fred.

"-especially if they are going to be best friends with the little Ron gits running around-"

"-but if you do want to do the deed, please for God's sake and everyone elses, wear a bloody condom-"

"-protect it or lose it-"

At that the twins looked at the couple, who looked extremely awkward and terrified. Ginny's face now matched perfectly with her hair, and Harry, Harry seemed that he was not going to even dare to touch Ginny. This was proven when Ginny hugged Harry, who just pulled away and ran away as quickly as he could.

"I have a feeling our job is done brother," said George as he began to stand up. Fred followed his lead and they both left Ginny's room.

"You two suck!" yelled Ginny.

"As long as you don't, we are okay!" yelled Fred as he began to laugh.

Fred and George then looked at each other.

"This is quite fun you know. We should find more people to protect from the evils of the deed," said George.

"You know what George….we are heroes. We are stopping the production of unwanted children, making sure that careless horny teenagers are being protected, as well as saving ourselves from diaper duty-"

"-even though who would trust us with their kids…I mean we would raise them to be pranksters like us-"

"-even though the world needs more caring people like us. We are doing the world and society a good."

"EXACTLY BROTHER!"

Both boys high fived each other and walked around the house, wondering what other sibling they can talk to, protect from the evils of the deed, and of course embarrass the heck out off.

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**Read and Revew :)**


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